Sorrow

I am an extraordinarily guarded and private person. It takes me a while to warm up and trust people, but when I do, I love them for life. I truly consider all my friend’s family and would do anything for them.
Something I consider to be a curse and a blessing is that it is hard for me to let people go. I’m not too fond of blocking and completely cutting someone off, especially if I believe the negative feelings are temporary. Although I have cut people off and completely removed them from my life, I am mostly happy with the decision, except for one case that I’ll regret for the rest of my life.

He was extraordinary and could brighten up a room with his smile. We both shared a common love for law enforcement and the military. His goal after graduation was to join the Metropolitan Police Department, and I want to join the Navy. We would talk for hours, venting about our love lives, goals, fears, and anything else. He was indeed a brother to me and was there for me during a rough time.

Like any siblings, we argued and got pissed at each other. We had a horrible argument one January, and the friendship was over.

Eventually, we grew from the ice silence to speaking when we saw one another. We once again started our corny jokes and catching up if we passed each other through buildings. If we had more time, we would return to normal by now.

Unfortunately, life did not work out that way. September of that same year, he was murdered. A great human being is just gone. When I heard the news, I was motionless in disbelief and overwhelmed that I had let my friend down.

I miss him so much, and on the second anniversary of his passing, my heart is breaking like it happened yesterday. I feel so guilty and have so many regrets about him, and I just wish I had the chance to have one last conversation. He has no idea how much he means to me and truly values our friendship.