Sorrow

 

I am an extremely guarded and private person. It takes me a while to warm up and trust people, but when I do I love them for life. I truly consider all of my friends family and would do anything for them.

Something I consider to be a curse and a blessing it is hard for me to let people go. I’m not too fond of blocking and completely cutting someone off, especially if I believe the negative feelings are just temporary. Although, I have cut people off, and completely removed them from my life, and for the most part happy with the decision. Except for in one case, that I’ll regret for the rest of my life. 

He was an extraordinary person, who could brighten up a room with his smile. We both shared a common love for law enforcement and military. His goal after graduation was to join the Metropolitan Police Department and I want to join the Navy. We would talk for hours, venting about our love lives, goals, fears, and anything else on our mind. He was truly a brother to me and was there for me during a rough point in my life. 

Like any siblings, we argued and got pissed at each other. We had a really bad argument one January, and it felt like the friendship was over. Eventually, we grew from the ice silence to speaking when we saw one another. We once again started our corny jokes and catching up if passed each other through buildings. I am positive if we had more time, we would be back to normal by now. 

Unfortunately, life did not work out that way. September of that same year, he was murdered. An amazing human being just gone. When I heard the news, I was motionless in disbelief, and an overwhelming feeling that I let my friend down.

I feel so guilty and have so many regrets when it comes to him, and just wish I had the chance to have one last conversation. I feel like he has no idea how much he meant to me and truly valued our friendship. I miss him so much and on the mark of the second anniversary of his passing my heart is breaking like it just happened yesterday. 

One Comment Add yours

  1. Loved this post, I am personally going through this too

    Like

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