I have struggled for years with my relationship and beliefs regarding sex. I was raised to believe that sex is reserved for marriage, or at least between two people who genuinely love each other. I placed so much value on my virginity that I tied it to my self-worth and esteem.
As an adult, I’m slowly learning it doesn’t matter! I’m way more than my sexual encounters! I remember in a book I read, it said women were created to be desired; that line has always stuck with me, but I still can’t figure out what it means to me.
As a young Muslim woman, I’m going through my sexual revolution. Appearing to be innocent or a good girl worthy of marriage, when at the end of the day, none of that matters! The conversation must be about consent, safe sex, respect, and mutual satisfaction! I’ve spent so much time concerned about waiting until marriage or not letting my number get too high.
I personally believe when it comes to sex, do what makes you happy! This is a personal decision only you can make, and too many people get the decision stolen from them! The scars of not being able to make that decision last a lifetime.
The Misunderstood Afro Muslimah 
Coming from a religious background Baptist and Catholic fam with Catholic education– I find that the ideas around sex are antiquated and help with repression of sexual desires. Our bodies were created to enjoy our physical lives as much as our spiritual lives too. I grew out of the wait til marriage thing in my late teens and it was so freeing haha. I totally agree with you in that sex is supposed to fun and safe. I think it’s a fantastic way to celebrate make of what makes us human without religious doctrine getting in the way of that.
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I have similar struggles with these ideas, too. It’s a personal choice that we all have to come to, individually.
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Salam sis, i salute you for been so bold to actually write about it. I would advice you to wait till marriage before you do anything, not just to please the man or anyone but for you this is between you and Allah, remember not the man your marrying ;Its a big struggle you will be just fine.
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Sex is wonderful. There’s nothing wrong about it. The virginity-obsession is there to control women’s bodies. I don’t see men getting policed the same way.
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