Confession

I have this one amazing friend who’s always there for me. I consider him to be my personal unsung hero. We became friends working together one summer, and the friendship grew stronger each day. I knew he had a crush on me, but I continually placed him in the friend zone. It’s not that I didn’t have mutual feelings, I just knew I wasn’t in the emotional space to be with him. I felt like he was perfect and I was an emotionally damaged mess.

I felt bad for hurting him and knew it was selfish to keep him around and not reciprocate the feelings, but all of my attempts to cut him off was breaking my heart. It was a love I couldn’t explain, and barely fully understood my feelings. I knew I truly loved him and all of the weirdness that came with him, but never wanted to ruin the friendship. I felt the shift when he finally started to get over me and just accepted the friendship. Little did I know, in my subconscious, I was already starting to love him more than a friend. 

It wasn’t until I was leaving for England, that it truly hit me, but I knew it was too late and I missed my opportunity. He was happy with some new girl, and I was happy to see him happy. Even though I did not like her, and didn’t approve, I knew it was best to keep my opinions to myself. While I was away, I knew he was trying to cut me off, but I became determined and refused to let that happen. 

He’s one of the few people I can truly be my complete self with him, and never worry about being judged. He’s my best friend, that I’m kind of in love with, and I don’t think he has a clue. I spent so much time pushing him away out of fear of letting him get close, but somehow he pushed back harder and is one of the few people who has the potential to break my heart. 

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