Not Black Enough

As a child, I was extremely quiet and passive-aggressive.  Al Humduillah, I grew up and started speaking up for myself. As I talk to my younger brother about his middle school experience, I can’t help, but sit back and reflect on my completely different experience. 

I actually don’t have too many fond memories of middle school, it was an awkward adjustment period of my life. Wearing the hijab, and a modest uniform did not help the situation either. One memory that has been sticking out lately is the time I had a substitute teacher in Music. 

He was an older Black American man, really laid back and the majority of the students loved him. He was leading a discussion about music that our parents play in the car. So everyone is pretty much participating and having fun, cracking jokes. I attempt to participate, but before I get a full sentence out, he cuts me off.  Informing me that I’m foreign, and my people don’t listen to regular music. 

I was way too shy and quiet to speak up, and say, “no, I’m black, I am just Muslim”. At that point, I remember feeling so embraced and a sense of not belonging anywhere. I wanted so desperately to blend in, and not always stick out as different. Now I realize how idiotic and toxic his statement truly was. Instead of embracing me, and taking the opportunity to potentially learn about a new culture; he just shot me down because I didn’t appear “black enough”. The saddest part is, he’s not the only person who’s made me feel that way. Even though I grew up in a black community, I still was made to feel like a minority amongst my own people. 

4 thoughts on “Not Black Enough

  1. Thank you for sharing about being made to feel that you weren’t black enough. The teacher I believe was speaking from ignorance what he didn’t understand and to give a loud message to the others in the class that heard him that it was ok to make you feel “different”. I had a horrible middle school experience as well but praise God for not allowing those experience to define who I am today. Thank you for sharing I really enjoy reading it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry to hear you had to experience this it must have been very difficult. I didn’t think about this before but I think because being black is so closely tied to Christianity, people who are from differing faiths (not so much atheists etc) aren’t necessarily viewed as black in the same way. I hope this is changing because your blackness is valid and should never have to be proved. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people consider worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

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