Just As I Am

For the majority of my life, I have been obsessed with my weight! I’ve either been too skinny or too fat, but never did I look in the mirror and was happy with what I saw. Besides my obvious insecurity about my skin, which I speak about in “Diary of a Problematic Brown Skin Girl”, I also have body image issues and am exhausted of always feeling like I’m not good enough.

I’m always seeking to have a new body, either a past size or a future desire. I can’t remember a time looking at a picture of myself and feeling satisfied. Well, I’m officially exhausted of not feeling like enough. I’m done trying new diets to obtain a different body, because at the end of the day, who am I trying to please? I say it is for me, but if I am being truly honest with myself, it’s for outside approval that will never be granted.

As much as I wish I could just erase this toxic mindset I’ve developed over the years, it’s just not easy. It’s working progress with truly loving oneself. I use daily body positive affirmations. I replace all of my critiques with compliments, while I stare at the mirror examing my body, rather than focusing on my flaws.

Hopefully this time next year, I will truly feel the confidence I fake in public. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy all my meals and just focus on being happy.

19 thoughts on “Just As I Am

  1. You hit the nail on the head, a toxic mindset. As women, we go through the struggles and the battles. I’ve learned to love myself in spite of. I’ve also learned that a healthy life and weight will keep me alive. No matter what your weight, as long as you are healthy within the guidelines, that’s all that matters. Love yourself girl and be proud of who you are. No need to be fake for anyone.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This was a good post. So many women suffer through this. It’s a shame that we do grow into this mindset of negativity about our bodies and not the other way around. You will make the changes when you’re tired, and ready.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am in this exact situation right now. I’ve never been happy with my weight, even at my smallest. I’ve tried to lose weight many times but I wasn’t doing it for myself, I was doing it to make someone else happy and it never worked. But this year I’ve decided to love myself the way I am and my confidence is slowly coming back.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Take it one day at a time… We all want new bodies… We have to love to learn the skin that we are in. I start fresh every day. I just simply try to eat better and drink more water, take more steps… and start over tomorrow.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. We all want new bodies… I want my body from 1997.. IJS Each day is a new day… I just try to get through one day and start over each day… eat better, drink more water and walk…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ooh honey, this hit home. I recently started going to therapy and began the journey disclosing my depression and eating disorder. Just take it one day at a time, some days as you know will be more problematic than others. Just constantly seek a highlight ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love that you’re honest with yourself. Girl, the best thing you can do is what you’re already doing — replace your critiques with compliments. Know that even when you don’t feel like it, someone’s admiring you. The real you, despot your size. You are not your size you’re a beautiful butterfly. 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

  7. What we focus on is what grows. If you focus on the negative that is what your are nurturing. Instead you need to affirm yourself with affirmations. “I am beautiful. I am happy, healthy, and I love my body.” Change your mind and the rest will follow. You got this!

    Liked by 1 person

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