I have never shared the story of my first heartbreak, who I refer to as Fly Boy. I have started and always end up deleting the post. In hindsight and through a wider lens, I realized he never deserved my love. It was a classic story of him being just not that into me.
He was my prom date; we were platonic friends, I had a crush on him, but nothing came from that. We graduated high school and went our separate ways. We were still friends and kept in contact, but nothing serious. Spring semester of freshman year, we started speaking regularly, which eventually transitioned to every day.
My crush on him returned, but it seemed as if the feeling were mutual this time. He was in the process of joining the Air Force, and I supported him every step of the way. I let him talk to my dad, a Marine, and gave him advice and insight into military life. While I was preparing for my internship with the Coast Guard, Fly Boy supported me throughout my entire experience. In my mind, you could not tell me, a beautiful love story was not being written.
Fly Boy left for basic training in the Fall, and we wrote letters back and forth. Receiving those letters made the distance easier and made me feel like I was in my own Romcom. I ignored every sign and signal telling me this was not a love story for Fly Boy, but more an FWB out of convenience.
When he graduated boot camp and went to his first duty post across the country, there was a shift in our relationship. Everything just went bad quickly. I barely remember all the little things that seemed to just pile up. I felt the change, but I still thought we were okay until I received a Snapchat message saying otherwise. I do not remember exactly the words, just “we do not have the same future in mind”. That message shattered my heart into pieces.
After a few months, we started talking again. He came home for a visit, we hung out, but it was not the same. As soon as he landed back at his duty station, I received a text ending things again. This time I wasn’t surprised and agreed with him. I was pissed and wished he had the balls to say it to my face. I deserved that much.
Months pass by, and I got over him, but he announces he got married around my birthday. Seeing the photo of him being married to another woman brought back all of the hurt feelings. Each birthday message I received that included his news was like being poked by another needle. I spoke with him a month prior, we were civil. The discovery of his marriage and being completely blocked was a hurt that left me speechless.
After I dried my tears and realized that the love was one-sided and I deserved more, getting over him for good quickly followed. Two years pass by with no contact, then he reaches out to apologize. I am not a forgiving person and not one of those people who believe everyone deserves forgiveness. But I have made peace with the situation and do not have any ill wishes for him. My forgiveness is a stretch, but if Fly Boy ever reads this, he now knows my perspective on the story of us.
The Misunderstood Afro Muslimah 
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