Purifying My Air

I have barely been blogging, but back with many more adventures. I declared this year was for me, and I have been sticking to it. Just overall prioritizing myself and tuning out all the background noise. I made a list of goals, and one was to improve all relationships across the board.

I took the time to reevaluate all my friendships close to my heart. I first defined what friendship means to me, and if I consider you a friend, you’re family in my eyes. I realized I do not enjoy superficial friendships, where the conversations are always surface-level. I am a private person, and besides this blog, I do not share my business. So if I update you on my life, I truly value your presence in my life.

Unfortunately, after my evaluation, I realized I needed to clear the air with one of my best friends. She has been my friend since fifth grade; we grew up together. She has seen me through so many different phases of life. At some point in recent years, the vibe has been off between us.

We both saw our fair share of trauma, and ultimately I think we grew and healed differently, which led to us growing apart. I have nothing but love and respect for her, but at the same time, I am very disappointed and hurt by the state of our friendship. Earlier in the year, I called her, and we had a vulnerable conversation and expressed how she did not show up for me over the past 4 or 5 years. I was hoping for an apology and to move past it. Instead, I received a justification for her actions, and most of her “justifications” were bullshit and insulting.

It was the first time in our friendship that I spoke up; when she says something that rubs me the wrong way, I tend to shake it off. I have never held her accountable for her actions and words, honestly, it took us both by surprise. I am no longer that shy, awkward hijabi finding her voice. I have found it and plan to never STFU again. Still waiting for a genuine apology, but I doubt it will ever come.

All I know is, that my circle became smaller, and I am much happier after purifying my air.