Living with PCOS and Glaucoma: Managing Anxiety and Aging

Aging is a blessing that many take for granted. I fully embrace my age and the progression of life. I stopped comparing myself years ago. We all know comparison is the thief of joy, and cards of life aren’t distributed evenly. I was dealt two conditions, which are aging with me, and no longer responding to my previous treatments. It’s time for me and my partners in life (doctors) to go back to the drawing board. 

I’m not a doctor, nor do I consider myself an expert. I’m an informed patient who has learned how to advocate and curate a lifestyle that adapts to my needs. Having PCOS affects more than my fertility. I am a lady of a certain age, and I suppose it is time to dive into the silent “what ifs”. 

I have noticed changes in my body and in how she reacts to different phases of her menstrual cycle, especially during ovulation. I know when I am ovulating. A new phenomenon that is taking me by surprise, mentally and physically. Constantly replaying“what if I’m unable to conceive one day?” Saying it out loud brings an enormous amount of anxiety and shame. 

For my lifestyle, there’s no desire to become a single mother by choice. I grew up in a devout Muslim household, and ultimately believe it’s for my benefit and protection to become a wife and then a mother. But that reality depends on another individual, and I like to focus on what’s in my control. As soon as my anxiety around the subject subsides, I will schedule a gynecologist appointment and discuss my options to protect my future, while I wait for my forever person. 

Then that leads to my vision, I have Glaucoma, diagnosed at twelve, and my vision is way beyond my years. The average age of individuals with Glaucoma is over forty, and the treatment plan is made with that in mind. My medication has changed throughout the years. Certain eyedrops started to develop noticeable side effects. Or simply no longer working. 

For the second time, I recently underwent an SLT surgery on my left eye, and the results were disappointing. The right eye SLT was canceled, and we went back to the drawing board. That once again leads to an enormous amount of anxiety and the silent what if questions, that I don’t have the mental strength to address. 

Rather than going down a hypothetical rabbit hole of what-ifs, I once again focus on things in my control. I can treat the common symptom between the two conditions, anxiety. I enjoy being active, and fitness is my go-to, but life has taught me that I need more tools to manage my anxiety. I have learned to embrace yoga, mindfulness, and not running from my anxiety, but rather challenge it. Contrary to my negative thoughts, but the most powerful game changer, I still execute the goals of the day, while anxious. It all boiled down to focus and choosing what I want to focus on. 

Growing older is beautiful and terrifying for everyone, but adding health complications intensifies the life experience. As much as I try to push down the unpleasant thoughts, it’s empowering to face them head-on.