Chapter Twenty-Three has officially concluded, and in summary, I accepted I’m a wonderful chaotic put together mess.
Now it is time to truly flourish and embrace the unknown of what this next chapter will bring me. Once I finally threw out the ridiculous timeline of my life and just live for me and enjoy the moment; I was finally able to grow and learn to accept every part of my journey. Even the moments, I wished never happened, but it’s part of my story. I learned the power in my words and that I need to stop filtering and trying to make my thoughts come out cute or nice. The raw ugly and unfiltered truth would have saved me from some painful situations.
Today is my 24th birthday and entering Chapter Twenty-Four I’m looking forward to what new and crazy adventures I can get into. I’m entering this year proud of myself, for finally being honest and stop expecting perfection. I learned there is a lot of fire burning within me and I haven’t been making proper use of it. So, for this next chapter, I’m going to use my fire as a source of energy to help me become one step closer to achieving my goals.
Happy Birthday to ME, the chaotic beautiful mess, let’s see what this next journey around the sun can bring.
I have this hidden fear deep down inside, but on the surface, I have a very nonchalant attitude about being a mediocre borderline bad Muslimah, but when I lay my head down at night I do reflect on all of my haram actions. I can’t help but wonder, where my soul will end up in the hereafter.
When it comes to Islam or religion, in general, I have so many questions, but most go unanswered, or just simply with Allah(SWT) knows best, and just have faith. The problem is my faith is very weak, and I don’t think I have complete trust in anything. I look at the imperfect world around me and watch so many innocent people suffer for one reason or another, with no tangible solution insight, and can’t wrap my mind why God, let’s all of this happen.
Overall, I understand Islam is guidelines to live a healthy successful life, but some of the guidelines I am well aware I’m disobeying, and don’t see the harm. My father says, I’m just young and rebellious, but once I get married and have children, I’ll settle down and become a proper Muslimah and follow the rules.
But what if he’s wrong, and this is more than just my roaring 20’s and actually it’s the blueprints of how I plan to live the rest of my life. I’m a good person and plan to make a positive difference to society, I’m just a flawed Muslimah. Islam is in my heart, I just don’t practice everything that it preaches.
When I was a child, I had my whole life planned out. I thought by the age of 23, I’d have my degree, married, or at least in a serious relationship, and starting my career. Now a week away from my 23rd birthday, I’m still I school and painfully single. Honestly, for the past few months, I have been depressed and disappointed about turning 23.
Then a huge dose of reality finally hit me, I’m only turning 23! I’ve barely scratched the surface of my life and need to stop living my life according to this unrealistic timeline I made up when I was 12. Each year is a new opportunity to grow and mature, as well as making mistakes. For 23 I’m going to embrace all of the mistakes and embarrassing parts of my young adulthood and learn from them. Realizing they’re all unique stories to the novel of me. I’m finally done running from all of the pain that haunts me, and starting to fight it head-on! I’m a year older and stronger, CHEERS TO 23 🥂