Posted in The Afro Muslimah

A Fitness Journey

As we all know by now, I have a love-hate relationship with my body. I’m always searching for this perfect figure or maybe a nonexistent magic number on the scale to make me happy, but my New Year resolution is to get back in shape and eat healthier. Whatever size or weight I end up with that’s what it’s going to be. I need to learn to love my body the way it is, and not some unknown expectation. 

I’ve said all these beautiful words before, but this time feels different. I have real fitness goals and I’m doing it for myself, no longer seeking some outside validation that I’ll never receive. So, the first step was my diet. I simply wanted to cut down on my sugar intake, and for me, that was juice and sodas. I increased my daily amount of water and tried to only drink one cup of juice a day. I’m also a late-night eater, I get the hungriest around 10 PM and would eat a full meal and then go straight to sleep. That needed to end immediately, so I try to stop eating at 8:30 PM. I had to reduce the amount of junk food I eat as well if I wanted to obtain a healthy diet.

After I got a nice flow with my diet, it was time to focus on the fitness component of this healthy lifestyle. Initially, I only had one goal, to run a mile in seven minutes or less. So, after I did my cardio for the day I was pretty much done. The closer I came to reaching the goal, the more I wanted to push my body to get stronger. Then the stay at home order hit, and all the gyms closed and I came back home with my parents. That was definitely a setback and lost my motivation to continue with my fitness goals. Then one sad night eating junk, I realized I didn’t want all my hard work to go to waste. 

So, that next day I ran my mile and made my little brother do some home workouts with me. I increased my water to a minimum of eight cups a day and at my last meal by 8 PM. I reduced junk to twice a week, and juice only once a week. My body and skin started to show that my hard work was paying off, but more importantly, I started to feel good and proud of myself. I found joy in working out, it’s no longer a chore, but a therapeutic release.

I can’t say now I’m in love with my body and the way I look, but I am done trying to be fit, thick, or whatever else I wanted to be for some external validation. Honestly, up until a couple of nights ago talking to one of my best friends, I didn’t even feel like I was accomplishing anything, but I am. I’m sticking to this healthy lifestyle and proving all of my negative thoughts wrong. 

Posted in Relationships

Everybody’s​ a Vilain

As much as I like to reflect upon my love life and always see myself as the innocent princess, that overcame heartbreak, but that’s not completely true. 

My college years have definitely been eventful and left a couple of broken-hearted casualties along the way. I remember my freshman year after I accepted the internship with the US Coast Guard, I needed to get in shape ASAP. I ended up getting this guy I always saw working out around campus to help whip me into shape. 

Honestly, I was just being myself and was super surprised when I found out he liked me. Unfortunately, my motto was too just go with the flow, but that’s a terrible mentality when it comes to dating. It wasn’t until maybe two weeks in, I realized I needed to end this “relationship”  because honestly, it was only one-sided.  While I was still living a single lifestyle, he was falling for me deeper. 

Trying not to hurt his feelings, and postpone the breakup only made things worst. So, like a coward one morning I broke up with him over text, and gave the worlds most cliche excuse “it’s not you, it’s me”. We ran to each other at a party the following weekend, and he confronted me asking what can he do to make things better. I don’t really remember the conversation, but I do remember the hurt in his eyes. That moment I knew, I’ll always be the villain in his story.

Honesty, everyone is the villain in someone’s story, we’re all humans and make mistakes. I just try to improve upon myself. If he does happen to ever read this, I am sorry, and was just immature and wasn’t used to male attention. 

Posted in Misunderstood Adventures

Semper Paratus

I live my life by two quotes or mottos; “what’s the worst that could happen” and “fake it till you make it”. I honestly believe replaying those two things in my head makes me unstoppable. 

My first college internship was with the US Coast Guard, and I remember during the entire application process, I was thinking just fake it till you make it. They asked me several questions about my physical fitness and at that time I had no idea. The most physical activity I was doing was running late to my classes. I knew I was nowhere near military fit, but I just faked it. 

I portrayed so much confidence in my physical abilities, and of course academic attributes, I received a job offer. I attempted to get in shape before the internship, but my laziness kicked in, and I thought what’s the worst that could happen if I go there out of shape. So I went back to binge-watching my latest Netflix series. 

Shortly after starting my internship, I found out what was the worst that could happen. I was in store for an extremely exhausting summer! After week one, my entire body was sore and was homesick. Besides the workouts, just getting around was exercise! I was in the middle of nowhere, and it seemed like I was always climbing up a giant hill, figuratively and literally. My room was located on the 5th deck, and no elevator in sight. The only comforting thing was the cafeteria was on the bottom deck, and the food was amazing. 

Although my body was hating me, and wondering why I couldn’t apply for a desk job for the summer, I refused to let it show. I was determined to always be on top of my game. I was the only short and small black woman, and I just assumed they were waiting for me to complain and not be able to keep up. So, I did what I do best, fake it till I made it. I was a little G. I Keems, mastered the physical fitness and robotics, which was one of the main reasons I was there. 

By the end of the summer, I was stronger mentally and physically. I learned so much about myself and realized I can do anything, as long as I put my mind to it. Life is a giant mental chess game, and I refuse to lose.