Posted in The Afro Muslimah

A Fitness Journey

As we all know by now, I have a love-hate relationship with my body. I’m always searching for this perfect figure or maybe a nonexistent magic number on the scale to make me happy, but my New Year resolution is to get back in shape and eat healthier. Whatever size or weight I end up with that’s what it’s going to be. I need to learn to love my body the way it is, and not some unknown expectation. 

I’ve said all these beautiful words before, but this time feels different. I have real fitness goals and I’m doing it for myself, no longer seeking some outside validation that I’ll never receive. So, the first step was my diet. I simply wanted to cut down on my sugar intake, and for me, that was juice and sodas. I increased my daily amount of water and tried to only drink one cup of juice a day. I’m also a late-night eater, I get the hungriest around 10 PM and would eat a full meal and then go straight to sleep. That needed to end immediately, so I try to stop eating at 8:30 PM. I had to reduce the amount of junk food I eat as well if I wanted to obtain a healthy diet.

After I got a nice flow with my diet, it was time to focus on the fitness component of this healthy lifestyle. Initially, I only had one goal, to run a mile in seven minutes or less. So, after I did my cardio for the day I was pretty much done. The closer I came to reaching the goal, the more I wanted to push my body to get stronger. Then the stay at home order hit, and all the gyms closed and I came back home with my parents. That was definitely a setback and lost my motivation to continue with my fitness goals. Then one sad night eating junk, I realized I didn’t want all my hard work to go to waste. 

So, that next day I ran my mile and made my little brother do some home workouts with me. I increased my water to a minimum of eight cups a day and at my last meal by 8 PM. I reduced junk to twice a week, and juice only once a week. My body and skin started to show that my hard work was paying off, but more importantly, I started to feel good and proud of myself. I found joy in working out, it’s no longer a chore, but a therapeutic release.

I can’t say now I’m in love with my body and the way I look, but I am done trying to be fit, thick, or whatever else I wanted to be for some external validation. Honestly, up until a couple of nights ago talking to one of my best friends, I didn’t even feel like I was accomplishing anything, but I am. I’m sticking to this healthy lifestyle and proving all of my negative thoughts wrong. 

Posted in Misunderstood Adventures

Quarantine Days

I can’t believe all this time in the house and I’ve barely written anything. I have tons of notes and ideas scribbled down but haven’t actually written a post. So, I’ll just tell y’all what I have been up to.

I decided to go home and spend the stay at home order with my parents and younger brother, which has its pros and cons. For the most part, it’s been nice, and I am enjoying my time at home. I don’t, however, enjoy hiding food from my hungry hippo of a teenage brother who eats everything in sight. I’m extremely territorial, so the food I pick out for myself I feel this internal rage when someone else eats it, but then I must remember I didn’t actually pay for it, so I calm my broke self down. To reduce my desire to snack and just eat out of boredom throughout the day, I have increased my daily water intake drastically. As a result, I can officially put peeing as one of my hobbies, it’s crazy!

Not only did I increase my water, but I have been eating relatively healthy. I still, of course, indulge in some comfort food, but I haven’t been eating out and I’ve been cooking all of my meals. Since all of the gyms closed, I’ve been trying to keep active. So I decided to become my little brother’s personal trainer and I make him workout with me every day for at least 30 min. When it’s nice outside we do the workouts in the backyard, I know one day he’ll be grateful for this, even though now all I get is complaints and backtalk. I am loving this bonding time I get to spend with him and going to miss it when life goes back to normal.

Now I have binge-watched so many shows and currently re-watching every single Marvel movie in order. I guess during that time I could have been doing something productive, enhance my knowledge, or even just do some type of maintenance with my blog, but I didn’t feel like it. I’m at peace and don’t regret any of my choices. However, I am now ready to make better use of my time and I can’t think of a better time since Ramadan has just begun. Hopefully, these next 30 days will be healing and help me find some inner peace. 

Ramadan Mubarak to all of my fellow Misunderstood Muslimahs and Muslims!  

Posted in Trap House Chronicles

Princess in the Trap House pt. 4

You know living in the trap house had many difficulties, that I didn’t mind so much. Up until I heard a mouse in my room. I’m terrified of bugs and have a fear of mice.

I remember hearing the bickering couple in the basement complain about mice, but I’ve never seen any and assumed I wouldn’t because the boxer’s kittens spent the majority of the time in my room. The boxer eventually took his kittens away and gave them to his mother, leaving my room vulnerable for an attack. 

One day as I was laying on my bed, I heard little chewing on a wrapper and shortly after heard it run across my room. I quickly called my landlord, who said he’ll come by the next day to lay traps. But I needed an immediate solution because I was terrified at thought of sharing my room with a mouse for the night. So, I called my brother to come and help me catch the mouse or place traps down or something, but of course, he was useless and refused to come and help. 

So, I called my friend, the same guy from the “Our Story” series, to come over and mouse hunt with me. While I waited for his arrival, I stayed on my bed terrified and watched a movie to distract myself, but that was useless. That little mouse was having a field day in my room! I saw it running back and forth, climbing on my close, and trying to get in my trunk where I locked up all my snacks. My friend eventually arrived and basically laughed and made fun of me for a bit, before he decided to be useful. After he moved a couple of things around and I realized I wasn’t made for the mouse hunting lifestyle, I decided it may be best for me to wait downstairs. 

When I returned back upstairs, he tore my room apart looking for the mouse! I felt like I was in an episode of Tom and Jerry, and was being outsmarted by a rodent. The mouse must have left my room and went to another place in the house, but I didn’t want to stay in my room alone. My friend agreed to stay with me, but he really just made jokes the whole night and called me a giant baby for being scared of a mouse.

Luckily I had about a month left living in the trap house and all of these horrors will soon be over. Unfortunately, it looked like the mouse wasn’t going anywhere, and it was time for to get over this fear. So, I ended up naming the mouse Nibbles and plotted his doom every day until I moved out. Luckily, I’m officially no longer scared of mice but hope never to share a room with another mouse again.

Posted in Trap House Chronicles

Princess in the Trap House pt. 3

As I’ve stated before, each one of my housemates added to the adventure and excitement of living in the trap house. The mother and daughter duo was a pair that I could never fully understand. They lived on the second floor and shared a small room with no windows. The daughter was pregnant and her cousin often stayed with them. 

I could never fully comprehend how the three of them could fit into that small room, but again that was none of my business. They were relatively polite to me and never caused me too much drama. All except the time their toothpaste went missing and the pregnant daughter actually came all the way up to my room to interrogate me. After a rude inquisition, I rarely had any other encounter with them; maybe passing pleasantries that they rarely returned. 

But something I could look forward to almost every night starting around 9, was them banging on the door for someone to let them in. I do not know if they ever had a key, lost the key, or simply never believed in using keys. Regardless, they were always locked out and expected us to keep the door unlocked for them. Yes, I realize my next statement is completely unsafe, but hey I’m alive to write about it. So, for the majority of the time, the door would remain unlocked. 

On a few occasions, I would like the main door, and when they would return realizing they were in fact locked, it was always a show. They would bang on the door and demand for someone to open the doors. Most of the time, it’ll take a while for someone to decide to let them in. I would never, just out of laziness and the fact that I could never understand why they didn’t have their key. When they would finally get in the house, they continued to yell and scream, and act like the house was purposely trying to keep them out.

One time I guess, the whole house was fed up with them and everyone refused to let them in. They did their usual banging and screaming and I assume they eventually called our landlord. He began calling everyone in the house, I politely declined the call and returned to watching my show. Eventually, the landlord arrived to let them in and I faked sleep. The more I think about it, the more I don’t miss that house. 

Posted in The Afro Muslimah

Happy Birthday to Me

Chapter Twenty-Three has officially concluded, and in summary, I accepted I’m a wonderful chaotic put together mess.  

Now it is time to truly flourish and embrace the unknown of what this next chapter will bring me. Once I finally threw out the ridiculous timeline of my life and just live for me and enjoy the moment; I was finally able to grow and learn to accept every part of my journey. Even the moments, I wished never happened, but it’s part of my story. I learned the power in my words and that I need to stop filtering and trying to make my thoughts come out cute or nice. The raw ugly and unfiltered truth would have saved me from some painful situations.

Today is my 24th birthday and entering Chapter Twenty-Four I’m looking forward to what new and crazy adventures I can get into.  I’m entering this year proud of myself, for finally being honest and stop expecting perfection. I learned there is a lot of fire burning within me and I haven’t been making proper use of it. So, for this next chapter, I’m going to use my fire as a source of energy to help me become one step closer to achieving my goals.

Happy Birthday to ME, the chaotic beautiful mess, let’s see what this next journey around the sun can bring.

Posted in Trap House Chronicles

Princess in the Trap House pt.2

Living in the trap house I was rarely bored. There was always some sort of excitement either in or outside of the house. One of the common themes of drama in the house was theft. Al Humduillah (Thank God), no one ever stole anything from me, maybe nobody felt like walking all the way upstairs, but most likely because God was looking out for me. 

One of the most memorable theft moments was when the Boxer’s laptop went missing. I was living in the house for about a month and a half at this point, and the most I’ve heard him say was about 10 words. Until that night, he was yelling and fussing almost all night. He first started with calmly asking all the housemates if we have seen his laptop, and of course, everyone said no. Actually, he never did come all the way upstairs and ask me. 

Then it was about 10 min of silence before all hell broke loose. I remember hearing a whole bunch of screaming and yelling, but one argument stood out the most. The pregnant housemate was telling the Boxer to get over it and quit disturbing the peace due to the fact she was also a victim of theft. She eventually revealed the item was just toothpaste and I sincerely hope she saw how the two things weren’t equivalent. 

Eventually I heard another housemate step in to defuse the situation, but honestly, the more people tried to calm him down, the madder he became. I’m assuming someone called the landlord, at some point in the midst of the screaming and banging he walks into the house. 

He takes the Boxer outside, where I had a perfect view and tries to talk to him. After a lot of going back and forth, the landlord agreed to replace his laptop. 

The boxer ended up with an upgrade, our landlord bought him the latest Mac Book and the Boxer never seemed to learn his lesson. He still continued to leave his door wide open, even when he wasn’t home.  Meanwhile, during all the drama I was upstairs sipping and enjoying my tea. 

I really don’t miss living in that house and still amazed that I ever lived there. Hearing the Boxer fuss was a nice break from the bickering couple. 

Posted in Misunderstood Adventures

Embracing the Unkown

It’s crazy how fast time flies, this time last year I was in England trying to figure out how to spend America’s Independence Day.  All week talking to my friends back home, hearing how they planned on spending the fourth, made me extremely homesick and sad. 

I  don’t look at the Fourth of July as my Independence Day, because in reality, my people were still slaves, but being in the country America won their Independence from made me a little more patriotic than usual. So, I planned out how I was going to spend my day down to every meal of the day. I’m a little bit of an over-planner. 

That morning I woke up and watched Independence Day, and sadly realized my preplanned day wasn’t going to happen. I was initially going to go to Buckingham Palace, and take a cute selfie with the American flag, but, unfortunately, the tube line I  normally took was closed. I also intended to go to the American Embassy for a firework show that night, but it was canceled as a response to Trump’s visit. I became frustrated and was ready to just cancel the whole day. I knew I didn’t want to stay in the house all day and forced myself to go out.

So, I decided to get cute and put on my most American outfit, which happened to be a baseball t-shirt, jean shorts, and converse. I stepped outside and decided to go to the mall to get a cheeseburger and milkshake. As I was walking to the food court, I decided to go into some shoe store, and actually can’t remember the name of it. That’s beside the point, when I walked into the store I met this nerdy guy struggling to find a pair of shoes. I remember one of the first things he said to me was, “damn, you really look American AF”, which meant my outfit was a success. I ended up hanging out with him for the rest of the day just going with the flow and had one of the most memorable Fourth of Julys.  You can read all about that story in a “ British Love Story”, but today marks the anniversary of me finally realizing I don’t have to plan out my whole life for it to be amazing. Up until that moment, I felt like my life was falling apart because nothing was going as I planned, and it was too late to get back on track with my original timeline. I don’t know why that day helped me realize that, but I’m just grateful it did. I still struggle to remember to stop planning and trying to control life. Each day I remind myself to just embrace the unknown and live a joyful life. 

Posted in Relationships

Everybody’s​ a Vilain

As much as I like to reflect upon my love life and always see myself as the innocent princess, that overcame heartbreak, but that’s not completely true. 

My college years have definitely been eventful and left a couple of broken-hearted casualties along the way. I remember my freshman year after I accepted the internship with the US Coast Guard, I needed to get in shape ASAP. I ended up getting this guy I always saw working out around campus to help whip me into shape. 

Honestly, I was just being myself and was super surprised when I found out he liked me. Unfortunately, my motto was too just go with the flow, but that’s a terrible mentality when it comes to dating. It wasn’t until maybe two weeks in, I realized I needed to end this “relationship”  because honestly, it was only one-sided.  While I was still living a single lifestyle, he was falling for me deeper. 

Trying not to hurt his feelings, and postpone the breakup only made things worst. So, like a coward one morning I broke up with him over text, and gave the worlds most cliche excuse “it’s not you, it’s me”. We ran to each other at a party the following weekend, and he confronted me asking what can he do to make things better. I don’t really remember the conversation, but I do remember the hurt in his eyes. That moment I knew, I’ll always be the villain in his story.

Honesty, everyone is the villain in someone’s story, we’re all humans and make mistakes. I just try to improve upon myself. If he does happen to ever read this, I am sorry, and was just immature and wasn’t used to male attention. 

Posted in The Afro Muslimah

Born Feminist​

As a little girl, I always identified as female before anything else. Above all of my other characteristics, religion, and ethnicity, I knew being a woman is my superpower. 

I don’t recall at what age I realized I was a feminist, but I believe I was born one. 

I remember when I started attending public school and would share my strong feminist views, people would assume it was because I was Muslim, and came from an oppressive home. Honestly, that’s the furthest thing from the truth, my father has always made me feel like the most powerful and brilliant person to walk this earth. 

What made me a feminist, is viewing television, reading books, and any other media outlet, that sent me a subtle message that I am not equal to a man. What made me a feminist is learning history and realizing every society has underestimated or belittled women’s strength and intelligence. What continues to make me a feminist is being a young woman, and society constantly telling me my number one value is my physical appearance, and no matter how hard I strive for “perfection” I still will never be enough. 

Regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, culture almost every woman at some point in their lives, unfortunately, had a man belittle, disrespect, take advantage, mentally or physically abuse them. That’s why Women’s Rights and  Women’s History Month will always have a number 1 spot in my heart. I constantly see women’s accomplishments being overlooked or belittled, but in reality, especially women of color, we have double or triple the number of obstacles any man will ever have to face. 

I’m a powerful Young, Black, and Muslim Woman, and no matter how many obstacles life continues to throw at me, I’ll always keep getting back up, but just a little bit stronger each time.

HAPPY WOMAN’S HISTORY MONTH!! 💕

Posted in Relationships

Fire Sisters

Most of my relationship posts tend to be about a failed love, missed opportunity, or just bad timing with some man. I do have several other successful and prospering relationships, not romantic, but just as special. This one, in particular, is going on four years strong, and each day we become closer; with my freshmen year roommate. 

Initially, it was just a very friendly roommate relationship, but second semester something changed. We became true friends, that blossomed into being besties. We both were experiencing so much for the first time together, and we helped each other grow along the way. 

We have two very different strong personalities, with different backgrounds, but our differences brought out something special in one another. Once we truly got to know each other, we realized we have the most important things in common; mutual respect and a desire to be successful. 

This woman is beyond dependable, and always right there when I need her. She has a strong exterior shell and firmly believes in tough love, and we share mutual mentality no woman left behind! Over the course of our friendship, we’ve been through some crazy trials and tribulations both individually and together. Each test brings us closer together, and we are no longer just friends, she’s my sister. We may not always agree with each other’s choices and the way we handle situations, but we are always there to support and help one another to be the best versions of ourselves. Most importantly gladly give a nice kick in the ass to one another to keep moving forward, until we set this world on fire, with our names in the ashes.