As a hijabi, I used to hide behind the hijab. I let being the short girl with the scarf on her head be my identity, never really let that many people see my true personality. I’d let people make their assumptions and would just try to blend in as much as possible.
I thought I was changing those shy instincts when I came out of hijab, and make bolder decisions to be more in the spotlight. But the truth is I found something else to hide behind, my smile. Regardless of how I’m feeling I still manage to put a smile on my face. I bottle up all of my emotions and put on a plastic fake smile. Always seeking to present this cute happy image to the world, and my smile allows me to do that. I smile through each heartbreak, disappointment, and loss, and supress all of the emotions.
As I sit and reflect, I never really hid behind the hijab, it was my smile all along. I was the sweet little girl with the scarf, and I still portrayed that same image, just without the scarf now. I used to pride myself on my fiery temper, but lately, that flame has been lost by the smile. Looking through old pictures and I see a smile hiding so much pain and covering up too many lies.
It’s time to retire the fake smile and ignite the flame, that’s been dormant too long.
I’ve officially been blogging for 2 years!
This past year, I was nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award, which is an award for blogs that promote positivity. Honored and shocked is an understatement of how I still feel, not only do I have people reading my words, but it is also a positive space for others. Thank you so much again, Zaza for nominating me, even though I did not win I am beyond honored and grateful.
As I reflect back to all I’ve written this past year, my favorite is definitely “Not Black Enough”. Middle school is where I began writing in the first place and that’s an experience I often think back on and helped inspire the theme of my blog initially.
In addition to working on my blog, I’ve had the honor to be a featured blogger on the Hijabie Hood. Through that experience, I was able to connect with other Muslimah Bloggers all over the world. Not only did we gain inspiration and unique perspectives from one another, but it was nice to be apart of a sisterhood of fellow bloggers. I will always love and treasure that experience.
Hands down my favorite part of my blog is reading all of the comments, emails, feedback, and support I received over these past 2 years. Each time I get a notification a huge smile comes across my face! I’m still in disbelief that people read and care about all of my crazy adventures. Thank you all so much for your support and love!! I’m excited about this next year and the continuous growth of my Unapologetically Misunderstood family!!
HAPPY SECOND BLOGIVERSARY!!!