Finding Belonging: My Journey with Extended Family

I have spent this past year reflecting on my life, particularly my family. Most of the time, when I speak of my family, I only refer to the nucleus. Still, I will switch it up and talk about my extended “family.”

I don’t talk about them often because, for the most part, I don’t have kind words. After all, they are not kind people, except for my grandparents. My parents converted to Islam before I was born, and my extended family are non-Muslims. I’m not here to speak about my parent’s experiences of converting; they can create a blog to share their story; this is about me.

Let’s start with my mom’s side; I dislike them the most, possibly because I have interacted most with them. Along with them being emotionally and verbally abusive to my mother, that’s not enough; they’ve always openly favored my older brother over me. After any family visits, I’d leave feeling like an unwanted and only tolerated family member. The older I got, the more I thought about it. Most of the time, subtle acts of microaggression, but how subtle could it really be if a child felt it.

Then when it came to my father’s side, they were strangers. For one reason or another, we’ve kept our distance, but there was never a warm welcome when we came around. I misspoke; my father’s family loves him, and my older brother because he looks just like him. So, they both received a warm welcome; you’d think they were war heroes the way they reacted, but the same reaction was generously spread to my mother and me. They hated my mother and, as a result, only tolerated me because I was my father’s daughter but looked too much like my mother.

The thing that both sides have in common is they never respected the fact that we are Muslim. I can’t recall a positive word about Islam, and the only acknowledgment of my being Muslim was to disobey my parents and try to convert me to Christianity. We were expected to participate in Christian activities. Still, I never recall any acknowledgment of any Muslim holidays. As a result, I felt like I didn’t belong amongst my extended family.

As an adult, I realize everything works out how they’re supposed to; even though my extended family is disappointing, my nucleus family truly is a blessing, and I am grateful. My father recently found more family; they are also becoming a blessing. It’s early to go into further detail, but don’t worry, I plan to spill the tea.