Finding Light in Darkness: A Personal Story of Healing

Y’all, I think I am depressed. The good news is that I see the light and my way out of the depressing hole I am digging. Unfortunately, I’m so exhausted I barely have the energy or drive to fight off the depression.

Well, first, how did I get here? Long story short, I was hospitalized for a severe infection in my right foot and leg that almost took my leg and/or life. I spent the majority of February in intense pain, and relief was only for brief moments. Honestly, I am still in pain to this day; I just have more extended moments of relief. My original plan was to wait until I am pain-free to deal with my mental health, but the longer I wait, the more my mental health decreases. I vividly remember everything! The pain, hospital nights, and fear are my new reoccurring nightmares. I spent so many days terrified it’d be my last, and now I can’t stop replaying those terrible thoughts. I can feel myself slipping back into some negative coping habits, so it’s time to dig deep and once again find my new normal.

If you’re a faithful reader of my blog, you know I am no stranger to depression and PTSD; I have been traumatized before, and I’m not enjoying this familiar feeling. But I have the tools to help me get through this. I am slowly doing things to push myself out of my hole and to show up for myself. I celebrate all of my wins, regardless of how big or small. If I get up and wash up for the day, that is a win! I am no longer feeding into my negative thoughts and behavior; I’m ready to regain control of my Twenty-Great year!

I am off to a crazy start, but I wouldn’t be me if something crazy wasn’t happening. I have no idea how my new normal will be at the end of this healing journey, but I stopped overplanning my life years ago. I’m just here for this crazy ride we call life. So, right now, I will focus on getting back on my feet and giving myself grace through this process.

Oh, and I’m also looking for a new therapist. Finding the right therapist is like dating, so wish me luck.