Dating with PCOS: Embracing Authenticity

May I be blunt for a quick second? Because I’m damn near 30, single, never married, no kids, and the most remarkable love story I have experienced has been between me and myself. 

I have PCOS, which comes with visible and hidden symptoms, but none that a woman wishes for. When I reflect on my twenties, it is a blueprint of survival that emphasizes that tenacity and resilience are superpowers that many people lack. With all of my conditions, diagnosis, and damn right toxic traits, I have never been the problem. 

Dating with PCOS has evolved significantly for me in the past couple of years. The more I love and appreciate myself, the less I apologize for the realities of being me. So what, I can grow a beard, I have intense periods, and still have hormonal acne?! All things I used to internalize as a problem that no man would want to deal with. But the reality is my man will, and the most basic part of me is my superficial exterior. 

Perspective is a powerful thing; depending on your perspective, you’ll see my first statement as either a major win or feel pity. While I know the life I want and deserve, that is one of the best gifts I could give myself in my twenties.

I have the privilege to enter my thirties, as a PCOS woman, with my inner child healed and cheering me on for the rest of my days. I’m no one’s baby mama, ex-wife, or in a toxic relationship just so I won’t be single. I am no longer apologizing or even accepting sympathy for having PCOS! I have established discipline, self-love, and control of my health. I learned how to navigate the health system as a Black Muslim woman, advocate for myself, and trust myself and my choices. 

Dating as a PCOS girl always left me insecure and not appreciating all of the extra dose of magic PCOS gives me. Although, as a  PCOS woman, I am more than aware of how lucky any man will be to have me as his wife and the mother of his children. I’m not settling, and in fact, I raise my standards. No more crumbs, and overlooking red flags. As I mentioned in Embracing Self-Confidence as a Modern Muslimah, “Yes, I’d love to be a wife one day, but I don’t plan on changing myself for a ring.” I am in love with myself, and genuinely ready to find my husband, but still not willing to settle.