Becoming Unreachable to Anything Beneath My Worth

I published my first blog post at twenty-three, expressing my woes about dating as a Black Muslim Woman, and that became the foundation of my blog. Expressing my emotions about different relationships, and unfortunately, focusing on the negative experiences, I took the time this year to evaluate all of my relationships through the lenses of growth and maturity as I approach turning 30. 

I noticed a series of patterns in the majority of my relationships that were consistent, whether romantic or platonic. They all mirror each other, either healthy or toxic and draining. I have no intentions to give any more of my former toxic relationships energy. Over the past week, I have been blocking anyone who drains my peace and does not match my level of consideration. I don’t have beef; I have standards and boundaries and only remain in spaces with elevated energy.

After one last purification of my air, I was able to give my healthy relationships the care and attention they deserved and effortlessly earned. They’re my blueprint of the energies that fuel my soul. I have been intentional about personally expressing to each of them how they impacted my life and shifted my nervous system to feel safe. For a long time, that was rare and unfamiliar to me. The thing they all mirrored was their constant love and reassurance that I take charge and own being the main character in my life. We have all grown and blossomed together, and that’s a rare experience that not everyone gets to have. 

Life is the best teacher, and throughout my twenties, I learned many hard lessons. Still, I can recognize and end my destructive patterns. Without excusing anyone, but taking accountability for how I want the world to perceive me. I used to lead with strength and a hard-girl persona, and felt that showing my vulnerability was weakness and a sign of defeat. I learned to embrace duality: that multiple things can be true and that this will result in a healthier outcome. I applied that logic to my relationships. 

I lead with generosity, gratitude, and joy, because that is my essence, before life taught me how to survive. I am no longer in pain or in survival mode, and have put away my armor. This version of myself doesn’t tolerate anything that will cause me to sacrifice or betray my growth. I am done with romanticizing relationships that are not worthy of my time. My words have always been meant to inspire and motivate greatness, not encourage or condone mediocrity. I am proud of my small and mighty circle because each part reflects the best of me, inspiring me to continue achieving my dreams and goals. 

This post isn’t about any particular person or people; it’s about who this blog was meant to be about, me, and how I am now approaching my relationships in my mature, grounded, and intentional era of life. My walls are down, and my boundaries are clear, to welcome a new wave of relationships that are reciprocal and align with my definition of love.