The Misunderstood Feminine: PCOS, Power, and Pink Wraps

I am a feminine little lady, not the Terminator, and that has been a powerful turning point in my identity. Let’s be clear, I am very intentional about embracing the parts of myself I subconsciously shrink. From adolescence until about a couple of years ago, I struggled with my femininity. Although my outer appearance is dainty and girly, internally, I was working with the different layers I once thought contradicted my girly aesthetic.

I never expected to share, let alone become an advocate for PCOS. As a teen and in my early twenties, I felt a lot of shame, and I express how I navigated that journey throughout my blog. Not only did I feel isolated with the realities of acne, facial hair, and mood fluctuations, but I was also the only girl surrounded by males. I am a proud daddy’s girl, only have brothers, and being in STEM meant being around mostly male peers. That doesn’t foster a healthy environment for a young PCOS girl to embrace her femininity. The compound fact that I hated the reflection I saw in the mirror was that I never truly saw myself. I was viewing my insecurities and projecting my limited definition of femininity.

Then, when we add the fact that my hobbies aren’t traditional girly hobbies. I have a deep interest in the military and military history, guns, martial arts, and I mean, I did the Spartan. There aren’t that many black girlies with my aesthetic paying to run through mud. But I am far from the only one, and this year I took a step back and shifted my perspective. 

All of the above are precisely what make me powerful and feminine by nature. Although those spaces are male-dominated, I have learned to take up space and add a feminine touch that they desperately needed. I realized that although I spent a lot of time with the boys, I never desired to be one of them. I enjoy being a lady!

A lady with PCOS, who has to add facial hair removal to her skin care routine, and then gets the privilege to wrap up in pink and punch out the frustrations and shame from that reality. I have blossomed into a woman who embraces being feminine, and womanhood isn’t a monolithic experience! There’s no box or set of rules; it’s all about embracing all parts of your personality, despite the rules of life. 

I will proudly take my dainty steps through life, because each one marks growth, strength, and a force no one expects coming. I now know and feel the reality: there’s nothing that can stop a Black Woman on a mission.

I am The Misunderstood Afro Muslimah, because the truth is, it’s hard to understand how I’ve survived so much, but each time I come out the other side softer and more powerful, that’s feminine, take notes.