Healing Through Self-Dating: Embracing Your True Self

Y’all, earlier this year, I felt the sadness and loneliness of being single. I have had so much going on and never allowed myself the room to be sad and miss having a consistent person to confide in and share all the highs and lows with. I missed pouring love into someone and feeling genuinely loved and supported. But the truth is, I have never experienced the love I so freely have given out. There has always been a hint of envy or criticism in all my relationships. Although it hurt to realize this, it also empowered me to take a pause from dating and communicating with men beyond a platonic level. However, even with all my friendships, I have taken several steps back to allow more space for myself to nurture. 

As soon as I cleared the space and calmed my nervous system, which was uncomfortable for me to do so, I began to properly date myself. I paid attention to the things I missed about being in a relationship. Still, I also listened to the things I hated. I love feeling loved and appreciated; who doesn’t, after all? However, for some reason, I had never done so in the past. I took the time to reflect on all the changes I’ve made about myself over the years for the comfort of others. Looking at myself through the lens of compassion and loss allowed me to find and heal the woman who was always right there.

 So, I started buying myself flowers, writing love letters to myself, and celebrating every inch of myself. I allowed myself to cry freely because I’m a crybaby; that’s what makes my heart beautiful and pure. The more I embrace elements of my personality and reflect on my life, accepting it as it is, the more freedom and gratitude I feel, which, in turn, makes me love myself more. I even began to turn back to old hobbies that I abandoned for one reason or another. I started writing poetry, reading romance novels, enjoying my chick flicks, playing chess and keeping my cards close to my chest. It’s nobody’s business what I got going on; I want my grand reveals more than play-by-play.

Additionally, as a result of prioritizing myself, I no longer heard passive-aggressive comments, “jokes” that hurt my self-esteem, negativity towards my ideas, and problems that had nothing to do with me. It has done wonders for my mental clarity, energy, and mood towards life. I am finally giving myself the love I have been longing for from others. With the love came validation of something I had always known to be true: I am destined for greatness! 

I plan to continually date and learn about myself; this is the only relationship that lasts for a lifetime. But I am ready to allow others to experience this greatness as well! I am once again going to test out these frogs, and hopefully, this time, I find my prince. 

But a win is a win; I finally found myself again, and it’s nice to love all of me.