For most of my life, I have been obsessed with my weight! I’ve been too skinny or fat, but I never looked in the mirror and was happy with what I saw. Besides my obvious insecurity about my skin, which I speak about in “Diary of a Problematic Brown Skin Girl,” I also have body image issues. I am exhausted from constantly feeling like I’m not good enough.
I’m always seeking a new body, either a past size or a future desire. I can’t remember looking at a picture of myself and feeling satisfied. Well, I’m officially exhausted from not feeling like enough. I’m done trying new diets to obtain a different body because, at the end of the day, who am I trying to please? I say it is for me, but if I am honest with myself, it’s for outside approval that will never be granted.
As much as I wish I could erase this toxic mindset I’ve developed over the years, it’s not easy. I use daily body-positive affirmations. I replace all my critiques with compliments while I stare at the mirror, examining my body rather than focusing on my flaws. It takes time and work to truly love oneself.
Hopefully, this time next year, I will truly feel the confidence I fake in public. In the meantime, I will enjoy all my meals and focus on happiness.
The Misunderstood Afro-Muslimah 
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