Embracing PCOS: A Letter to My Younger Self

This September, in honor of PCOS Awareness Month, I’m sharing a letter I wrote to my younger self. I have come a long way since I first suspected that I had PCOS, and it was healing, catching me up to our growth.

Dear Tiny Keemy,

Now that is a nickname from the past, and although we may still be petite, we have surely grown! I remember the anxiety, fear, shame, and disappointment when we realized and saw our reflection that the acne, facial hair, and irregular periods might actually be PCOS, and chose not to deal with that reality. 

I am proud to say that, eventually, I advocated and received a proper diagnosis, and our fear is genuine. PCOS is part of the lifestyle, but not nearly as detrimental to our lives as we thought. Honestly, at this moment in my life, I am grateful for the journey and ending up in this position. I couldn’t imagine who I’d be without having to go through this self-love transformation. 

The fear and shame have faded significantly; I no longer feel this overwhelming desire to hide and change everything about me. In fact, I have started embracing everything and sharing it with the world! I have accepted I cannot control most things, and I was hurting myself by hyper-fixating on who and how I thought I should be. The reality is so much more rewarding, fun, and interesting, and I no longer feel inferior to anyone. We are more powerful than you can imagine, little one, and thriving with PCOS is just a piece of this pie. 

After I stopped fighting and running away from the diagnosis, I began to learn how to properly treat myself. We have a list of diagnoses that most can be traced back to PCOS, especially regarding our mental health. I know you think you’re mean, and yes, we are at times, but apparently, we have bad anxiety and are a bit depressed. It’s okay, not to be okay. I have learned to embrace the negative feelings, and as a result, most days are pretty incredible. I became a gym girl, and I love being active and challenging myself; we are more than just nerds. We are a sexy, athletic nerd! 

Embracing PCOS has allowed me to actually see us. I can view myself in each stage of life with love and awe, marveling at how amazing and powerful we are – we are a firework! A big, loud, colorful show, with a lot going on, but mesmerizing and classic. PCOS doesn’t define us, but it has made us very intentional with this life. I am sorry that it has taken me this long to appreciate and show compassion to myself. Still, Insha’Allah, we have a lot more life to live, and sharing with the world all the parts we thought we had to hide. 

I love you and finally feel at peace with all of me. Keep cheering me on, I am finally listening to the voice that matters. It’s time to do the absolute most.

Love,
Kareema 
The Misunderstood Afro-Muslimah.