I have this hidden fear deep down inside. Still, on the surface, I have a very nonchalant attitude about being a mediocre borderline bad Muslimah. Still, I reflect on my haram actions when I lay my head down at night. I can’t help but wonder where my soul will end up in the hereafter.
When it comes to Islam or religion, in general, I have so many questions. Still, most go unanswered, or simply with Allah(SWT) knows best and has faith. My faith is fragile, and I don’t trust anything entirely. I look at the imperfect world around me and watch so many innocent people suffer for one reason or another, with no tangible solution. I can’t wrap my mind around why God let this happen.
I understand Islam is a guideline to live a healthy, successful life. Still, I know I’m disobeying some guidelines and don’t see the harm. My father says I’m just young and rebellious, but once I get married and have children, I’ll settle down, become a proper Muslimah, and follow the rules.
But what if he’s wrong, and this is more than just my roaring 20s. It’s the blueprint of how I plan to live the rest of my life. I’m a good person and plan to make a positive difference in society; I’m just a flawed Muslimah. Islam is in my heart; I don’t practice everything it preaches.
The Misunderstood Afro Muslimah 
Don’t get hung up on rules and formalities. Being a good person is the aim. And any kind of belief – even atheism – which helps you to be that, will do. You can’t press yourself into a stamp print, but you can create your own stamp and press it into an ink pad!
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I love that! 💕
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I like your honesty about your feelings, always follow your heart, the heart can never be wrong, believe in your heart 🙂
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i feel you. as a catholic i feel more like what they call a cafeteria catholic who picks and chooses what works for them. for example i want gay rights and believe in a woman’s right to reproductive justice and don’t think birth control is bad. luckilly 98% of catholics agree with me on birth control. i hope the church moves to accept lgbt 100%
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I think a healthy amount of skepticism is a good thing when it comes to religion. There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to seek greater understanding. That’s one of the best things I got out of Catholic schools.
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Great post. I am not Muslim but growing up Christian, I totally understand where you’re coming from. Give yourself time to figure yourself out. You are still young and have a lot to learn!
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Your relationship with Allah is just that your relationship. Talk to him like you talk to your earthly father we all fall short and are imperfect people. He knows this but still expects you to try and to communicate with Him.
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Your relationship with Allah is just that your relationship. Communicate with Him, we are imperfect and He is not expecting perfectionism.
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I think it is always normal to question yourself and wonder i you are doing right, or could you do better. As long as you continue this self-reflection and actually try to be your best, then you are on the right track.
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Let time and seeking knowledge guide your path. No need to rush it, you have your entire life to find answers to life’s most mind-boggling questions.
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I’m a Christian and am far from perfect and have a hard time because I too don’t do everything right but its because we are human and imperfect. Strive to do your best and pray to God to help you with best. PS. not sure that being married and having kids will automatically change your thoughts process.
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You’re still in your 20s, you have plenty of time to figure these things out, and life in general! I’d say pray about it, seek Godly wisdom from others, and God will do the rest.
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I am one of those people who is Catholic, but I don’t go for everything that is backed by that. I have my own thoughts and opinions.
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The thing I have learned in life is that you have to live life in a way that makes you happy. I also learned that you will never meet all requirements in anything. So don’t be hard on yourself. Just make sure whatever you do you are happy.
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Really instructive and wonderful structure of articles, now that’s user genial (:.
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