I have this hidden fear deep down inside. Still, on the surface, I have a very nonchalant attitude about being a mediocre borderline bad Muslimah. Still, I reflect on my haram actions when I lay my head down at night. I can’t help but wonder where my soul will end up in the hereafter.
When it comes to Islam or religion, in general, I have so many questions. Still, most go unanswered, or simply with Allah(SWT) knows best and has faith. My faith is fragile, and I don’t trust anything entirely. I look at the imperfect world around me and watch so many innocent people suffer for one reason or another, with no tangible solution. I can’t wrap my mind around why God let this happen.
I understand Islam is a guideline to live a healthy, successful life. Still, I know I’m disobeying some guidelines and don’t see the harm. My father says I’m just young and rebellious, but once I get married and have children, I’ll settle down, become a proper Muslimah, and follow the rules.
But what if he’s wrong, and this is more than just my roaring 20s. It’s the blueprint of how I plan to live the rest of my life. I’m a good person and plan to make a positive difference in society; I’m just a flawed Muslimah. Islam is in my heart; I don’t practice everything it preaches.
The Misunderstood Afro-Muslimah 
Leave a reply to wuxevzrzby Cancel reply